1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
