i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
