i just wanna soil my oats bro
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
