You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
