yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
