The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
