Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
