I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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