The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
