it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
