I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
