I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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