I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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