We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
