He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
