mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
