left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
