Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
