I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
