i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
