What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
