so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
is that a dick in a sweater?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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