From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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