Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
