how can u be prego again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I did not marry a roomba.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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