you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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