everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
