hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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