When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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