Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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