What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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