i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
