I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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