Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to calm my uterus...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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