i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We have started to decorate penises.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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