I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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