Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
