You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
