i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
