I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize