every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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