i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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