before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
