You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
