I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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