party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize