Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
