Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
