Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They took my balls.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
