When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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