I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
