Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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