Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
