just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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