i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
