his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
