Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
