Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
