Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
