Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
