She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize