At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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