paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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