Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no you cant smoke seaweed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
