1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
