Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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