i don't like sucking hair
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
