I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize