did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
