I wish I could teleport
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize