I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
