As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just threw up on my dentist
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
