Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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