We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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