You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
