officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
