Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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