But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
