plz talk dirty to me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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