i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
