Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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