I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
