i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize