apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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