Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
