OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
