Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
