i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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