she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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