remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
