I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
