Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
