i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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