had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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