i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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