if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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