Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
