it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
