how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
