Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
