Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize