Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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