My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
