I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
