well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
