bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
