Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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