Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
