yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
