she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
