I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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