i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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