i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
