what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is Oprah even human
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
