Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize