i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
