I want to make a zoo with you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
