i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Couch. On fire.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize