Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
